The White Void


 "Behold, Thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part Thou shalt make me to know wisdom." (Psalm 51:6)

I've got a bit of a dichotomy to express, if confess, to you. Growing up and through my parents' divorce, I saw my life as a void. Looking back, I suppose it was a white one, if that makes sense. I know it wasn't black. But I also saw that there were no connections from there to here (abstractly), anymore. What I mean is, the tapestry of my life had been shredded. No strands remained on which to embroider the future. And so, as God is good, He began weaving one at a time to where, now, my life is a mesh of the interconnected threads sewn in by Him and His. Now. Here's where the dichotomy comes in to play.


"Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." (Psalm 51:7)

Through the period where I felt I had nothing, I would throw my imagination out into the ether (I can do this--I suppose you could too) and wish I were in someone else's shoes. It didn't matter who it was, anyone's life looked better than my own. But I knew that they had it. They had that airtight (I thought) life, a backdrop of family and friends and community on which to fall should anything akin to what was going on in my life, go on in theirs. But this is folly. You cannot live inside another's head or life or what have you. You can walk a mile in another's shoes but (and this goes without saying) you have to then give them back.


"Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice." (Psalm 51:8)

See, I don't see my life through your eyes. I suppose I could catch a glimpse here or there. But my life is my own. It's one of those irreplaceable, but not irreparable, gifts from God. And if you find yourself staring blankly into space, wondering how it all connects, ask God to show you. Because if all you have is the foundation of Christ from which to build, I can think of no better place to start than Him.

"Hide Thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10-11)


Everything Is Symbolic part 2 Mattrous