Introvertical

"Shall any teach God knowledge? Seeing He judgeth those that are high?" (Job 21:22)

I think about things from where I sit. I write from the coffeeshop next door to where I work. People come and go, coffee in hand. The steam rising from the spout in the lid. Not really, it's midsummer and only a little cool in the morning. But that erstwhile and imaginary steam is a fitting simile for the brief moment in which we, hopefully, meet the one who thought us up.

Those that are high...

Overcompensating

It can really be intimidating to encounter people who have attained to a higher level of life and don't have a commensurate humility to go along with the comportment they front. I don't mean to sound harsh. As I was homeschooled and therefore unlearned in the traditional mores infecting culture in which everyone seems on this path at different intervals, I tend to see the whole mess from without. Even to the point where if I don't sense my own self worth (from God, it is--and sometimes I lose track of it), I find myself horribly ashamed and embarrassed at the way my life has unwound up till now. But then I look up and the feeling's gone as soon as it had come. As soon as they walk out.

"Though the Lord be high, yet hath He respect unto the lowly: but the proud He knoweth afar off. (Psalm 138:6)

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." (John 14:18)

Jesus is so gentle. I see people everyday. Unassuming. Naive to the point of sublime dimness. Not just a type B or C but the antithesis of a type A personality. And I don't want to sound as if I'm above all this or only and always on the outside looking in--I am who I am and I can be bipolar or mercurial and unstable and, God knows. The reason why I started this paragraph as I did is because, really, the people Jesus goes for are the ones who can't defend themselves against the onslaught of the bold and bombastic (even if silent) personality. They would rather crawl in a hole and disappear than brave an atmosphere in which they would be overlooked and disrespected or misunderstood. These are the ones that Jesus wants. And if you are introverted and awkward to a fault, take heart. God is right there with you--ready to strengthen and send you out on your way to the in-turn embarrassment of anyone who would step on you for no good reason. God "judgeth those that are high".

Overclocking

Jesus didn't die and rise to realize the rebirth of our spirit and then to only have us shrink away from places where the pressure's so high we wouldn't even dare weigh the idea of walking in. Perhaps the atmosphere that so scares you for no apparent reason is the very one God wants to use you to diffuse His light through the fog? You'll never know unless you go. Nor will you conquer the debilitating shyness keeping you from doing what you have every right to do. If you stop trying to figure it out and step in, the sea will part.

I find that shyness is a temperament (I'm shy in certain things) that we might be tempted to pass off as "just the way I am" but that really springs from something in our past the Lord wants to heal. If you know you're shy but you don't like it--not that you need to be the center of attention, just that you hate feeling put-upon and difficult--ask the Lord to reveal why. He knows. He'll salve over anything scars or wounds that are preventing you from becoming more like Him even as you enjoy your one-on-one relationship with Him--even in the densest of atmospheres. My experience is, people end up wanting the reservedness and quiet confidence you exude. Everyone has issues.

"For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." (James 4:14b)